I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
