You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
