I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
