Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
