I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
