i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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