Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
