theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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