I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
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all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
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Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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