Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
