He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
