8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
