At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
this boner is exhausting
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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