Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
