if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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