Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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