The maid of honor just puked.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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