I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize