Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
