Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
