Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
