Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
