im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
