I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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