i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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