How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
