nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
