is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
