It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
