I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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