Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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