I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I intend to get homeless drunk
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
