My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
