note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
