Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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