these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
