She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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