i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
