Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
