So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
