It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
