best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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