so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
