So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
