The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
