I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
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don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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