lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
