And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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