I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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