my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
