Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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