apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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