Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
