The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
