i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
