I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
