i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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