I hate all girls vehemently.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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