Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
