I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
