I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
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She's just so happy...and so naked.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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