u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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