Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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