remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
