batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
