nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
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In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
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The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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