tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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