I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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