peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i now understand why vodka
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
