2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
