highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
